i want

i want a small apartment in the upper west side

a tiny space that i can afford

and that could be all mine

and i want all my things in there

only things i need

nothing more

minimal

and clean

and i want windows

large and bright

with light

flowing through

white sheer currents

like comfort

and my bed

close by

 

i want to wake up with the sun

step on a fluffy rug

to my tiny makeshift kitchen

i just need a plug and a sink

nothing much

i can make tea with the kettle

and cook on a hot plate

and the only other thing in the tiny room

is a small cozy chair

and a table that unfolded

for me to use

to write on

and I take walks

in the morning

in the afternoon

and at night

by the park

I watch the people hurry through

while I move slowly and silently

i sit still and watch them

 

and I still will have to work

but my hours

won’t be long and miserable

just a couple of hours twice a week

or three times a week

and with all my other hours

i will create

i will write

i will sing

i will learn to paint

 

i do theater shows at night

and i stand on stage

under bright lights

i transform

and i tell stories of people who’ve never existed

 

then I walk home

and get ready for bed

with my tea

and my cat

and simple sleeping clothes

and the fluffy rug

and the large window

and maybe I have someone special

that I met

and maybe i don’t

I’m happy as I am

thats the plan

thats all i want

the goals

focus on your goals

remember them?

 

those dreams you dreamed

the plans you planned

collecting dust in your minds eye

as you are distracted but life’s

other shiny trinkets

of people,  places, and things

 

and they never seem to work out

 

thats a sign

 

to make your mind’s eye

your only eye

to focus

pick up those dreams and plans

 

dust them off

carefully

and begin

painstakingly

underdressing their layers

examining their texture

feeling for what they truly are

what want they can be

(like a blind man feeling strange objects)

in an unfamiliar room

alone

 

it will be dark once you turn off all the distractions

all the phones and laptops and devices that glow

and once you do

you sit back in the dark

you feel a panic

an anxiety rush

discomfort

 

but then you see the lights in you

when its dark enough

you see your own stars

 

and i hear its going to be worth it