day 1: Memorial day weekend 2017 has just begun. It began with my sister waking up bright and early and baking bread while listening to music. Her productive cheerfulness a stark contrast to my roomful anxious existence.
(It’s also the first day of Ramadan?)
Go for a walk you will feel much better
Outside I walked for one hour in nature because nature heals. I played music on my walk because music heals.
Nothing was healed on my walk.
(there were two couples running together and a fit mom running with her stroller)
Looming Doom intensifies.
My old roommate and one of my good friends is here. She is here to take the rest of her stuff because she’s moving away. 2.5 hours north.
Life is rough for her right now, lots of changes.
Life is rough for me right now, no changes.
We talk about doing awesome things in the future. I wait for my gut. Excitement? No. Just doom. (this is better than numbness trust me)
She leaves (I stay)
What will I do today? There is no internet. There hasn’t been internet for 3 days now. Call landlord again. No answer again.
Maybe I will download a stupid romance novel about a stupid nonsignificant heroine who is loved by everyone for no stupid reason and then I can stupidly pretend that she is me. (artificial)
Maybe I will go to NYC tonight and wander the streets and feel lonely in the hustle and bustle of it all. (just walk a lot and maybe lose weight)
Maybe I do this because I like to feel contrast? Maybe I do this because I need to feel.
Maybe I’ll be broken forever.
Somesortofpoetry 