bird

i think i’ll be a bird

an insignificant tiny city bird

the brown ones with the non descript patterns

the ones no one sees as they rush through life

 

but i see them

when i sit on a park bench in silence

i see them flying around

chirping

pecking at some pizza crumb

throughly enjoying their nyc diet

 

i watch them

and look at them

a little bit of wildlife in the concrete jungle

they’re actually beautiful

 

their wings delicate and quick

 

i look up at the humans rushing around

and i wonder if any of them has ever looked at

the pattern on the wing

of that pretty brown bird

eating their crumbs in front of me

 

a sparrow i think

thats what they are

brown sparrows

 

and that’s what I’ll be

beautiful but unnoticed

insignificantly there

living in the city

and flying free

 

 

 

 

circle

overwhelmed

with images and ideas and people and things and plans

over exposed

too much information in my brain that is useless

images and videos of happy people are the ones with the brands

a fake brand of success

the body and the car and the partner

the followers, the clout

the better than but just like you vibes

 

and i am terrified of it all

because i know deep down

it’s a lie

its a trap

but I keep chasing it

if i had this or that

or those and these

or him or her

or knew them

and i had it in my story and everyone saw and loved me

i would be okay

 

and i know that even if i did get there

and was surrounded by them

i would want to be alone

as alone i am on a Saturday night in the city that never sleeps

stalking social media jealously

zealously on my current obsession

my infatuation of the month

wondering what i can do to get their attention

meanwhile the knot in me grows and grows