i trust no one

i’m getting better (i think to myself)

i bring out the graph of my life

and look at my plotted emotions

i stand in front of my invisible crowd

and ask if everyone can see the screen okay

i hear a yes echo in my mind

 

“here you can see a 9.8% decrease of my ‘i suck’ thoughts”

i click to the next slide

“this is a significant improvement to last quarter’s numbers”

i see the crowd nod.   impressed

i breathe in deeply “and here we can see

we shrunk the pit to a more manageable amount

it is no longer a boring hole of despair”

 

i quickly click through the next slides

where i show my raw numbers (no need for them to see

that I took some liberties

calculating the numbers on the screen)

“and here you can even see we finally went to therapy”

 

i watched the ceo flip through the pages of my slide

i made a physical copy of each

this presentation and its results were very important to me

“good work,” he (?) said to me

(it’s very interesting that the ceo of my mind is a ‘he’)

“this is very important work you’ve done for the company”

 

i smile politely and begin to leave

until he verbally stops me

“hold on, how is the trust department doing?”

“great! ” i said

he (?) doesn’t need to know about the email that i sent

paragraphs of flowery words that read:

thank you for all you’ve done for me,

you’re kindness and support truly surprised me

but the this is the last communication from me

because the truth is i trust nobody

Rocks

I feel like heavy bag of rocks

lumpy and misshaped

dark and moist inside the black plastic bag

covered in mold

with most rocks concentrated in the midsection

(I can’t seem to get rid of the belly fat)

Reeking of the smell of failure

a scent so pronounced you can see it steaming above the lump

 

You know, if you throw a lumpy bag of heavy rocks

from a bridge

it will sink

all the way to the bottom of the body of water

right where it belongs and if, let’s say,

that lump of rocks in a bag (heavy around the midsection) felt

. . .then it probably wouldn’t feel down

there in the muddy waters

 

but it’s not animated

and no one will throw it over

so here we are

another draining day of work

full of daydreaming but no action

eating a croissant that you know you are NOT SUPPOSE to have

getting heavier in the midsection

feeling more despair as you realize none of your dreams will probably come true

 

and even more despair when you realize you don’t care

and nothing matters

and time keeps moving

and that even the original thoughts that you are writing down (as a poem?)

sound like crappy cliches

 

this croissant tastes pretty good right now